Archives for category: Emotional Stress

banner_2016-05Sydney 2002
I came back into my brother’s house one drizzly afternoon to find one of my black boots chewed to pieces. This wasn’t just any boot. This was one of a pair of traipsed-all-over-New-York-city-over-several-weekends-to-find-them kind of a boot. My bother’s dog, Ruby, a portly German Shorthaired Pointer my brother and his not-yet-wife had adopted after she had become too old for breeding, had used my precious black boot as a chew toy. It was the right one.

The thing that sticks with me about this memory is not that Ruby destroyed my prized footwear but that nothing happened. When I say, “nothing happened”, what I mean is nothing emotional happened. I didn’t react. There was no flash of anger, no loud outburst, no tears of rage, no sadness, no regret, no blame. Nothing. If I had told the story to a sympathetic friend especially drawing out for dramatic effect how long it took me to find this perfect pair of boots, my friend would understandably say, “That’s terrible! I’d be so mad!” But as it happened, it wasn’t terrible. I wasn’t mad.
I was so surprised at my lack of caring that I went looking for the upset!
In time, images started playing in my head of how people react in a situation like this. I saw in my mind a man yelling, “Bad dog!” I saw a dog cowering. I saw hitting. So in the end, that’s what I did. I faked the anger following a direction on how people are supposed to react when things like this happen. So I popped poor Ruby on the behind with the left boot and shouted sternly, “Bad dog!” (sorry, Ruby! RIP). It did not feel juicy and satisfying like raging can feel. It felt hollow. Surreal. Like I was a bad actor in a B-grade movie.

Nepal 2011
By the time I had finished my tea and cake I began to understand what people mean when they describe their headaches as “pounding” or “blinding”. It was the end of the one-day climb to Ama Dablam base camp where we had reached our highest altitude of 4,800 meters and I was succumbing to altitude sickness. I felt like I had a helicopter in my head. VROOM VROOM VROOM it pulsed.

It was my own fault. Cyril, our fitness trainer, had told us to bring enough water for the day. I didn’t. Instead of the recommended three bottles, I took just two. I drank my last drop out of my camel pack about half way down. Back at the inn an hour later than planned, the helicopter was relentlessly spinning on and I noticed I could not hear the shower running and it was hard for me to see. I stumbled into my pyjamas and somehow got myself into bed and closed my eyes waiting for the helicopter in my head to stop moving. I could hear my fellow trekkers coming to my aid. Once closed, I could not open my eyes. I was tested for oxygen count and I was propped up to take what I think now was an aspirin. At one point, Valerie, my roommate, climbed into the narrow bed with me and cradled me like a child. To my shock, guffawing sobs burst out of my body. Edmond, founder of the Legacy Odyssey Trek* of which I was a part, filled the room with sweet chakra music from his ipad.

What sticks with me with this memory is that while the body was shaking and sobbing and panicked chatter bubbled out, it was not me. I was there, but I was inside. I was in what I can only describe as the inky blackness. I was very awake. Very aware. Very still. Very calm. There was peace. The body was doing its thing, crying and babbling and it had nothing to do with me. I was floating inside completely fine wondering matter-of-factly if this was the end of the Andrea story. At one point I realized I didn’t need to stay in the inky blackness of the body and I left. I could still hear Valerie talking to me and then when Valerie went to have dinner, Cyril sat with me repeating over and over things like, “It’s ok. You’re ok. You are not the only one. Other people have experienced this too. It will be over soon. Don’t worry. Everything is ok.” I could hear the music until eventually it stopped and I could hear my own sobs until they stopped too. It wasn’t me and it was all me.

The Soul is Timeless
I’m sharing this story because I can not un-know that what I am is not my body and not my emotions either. What I am is still, spacious, awake and at peace. The body can wail and cry and that is not me. What is me is at peace. Lying there on a bed in an inn high in the Himalayas in Nepal was peace because what I was didn’t care about the body living or dying. It didn’t have a story about what came before, or what was to come next. It just was. It just is.

Emotional Tendencies
So here’s what I have noticed. I notice that we, as a modern culture, are addicted to how we feel. We are addicted to the highs and lows of the story of our lives. We are used to feeling a certain way when certain things happen. If you are rude to me, I’ll be angry. If you die, I’ll be sad. If you leave me before I’m ready,  I’ll be mad and sad. If you flirt with someone else, I’ll be jealous. If you fire me, I’ll feel shame followed by fear. All these reactions are understandable and widely accepted according to today’s cultural emotional maturity. If your partner leaves you, and you share your broken heart with your friends, they will agree with your feelings and may even fan the flames.

We innocently use emotions to make real our idea of reality.

What if we have it backwards?
If your partner leaves and you react with anger, the anger you feel serves to make real the belief that your lover shouldn’t have left you. We innocently use emotions to make real our idea of reality. For you to feel anger, a whisper of a thought has been believed, and that is; “She should not have left me”, or “He should stay and work this out.” To your personality’s rationale, the feeling of anger, frustration, sadness etc is proof that you are right; “I am so angry! I’m angry because of you!”

Emotions as Messengers NOT as Warriors
Your emotions are NOT, as you have been habitually believing, troops arriving to defend your preferences, opinions and judgements about life, nor for you to use as a force to go to war with Life. Your emotions are messengers pounding your chest, head and belly to get your attention crying out;

“Watch out! Wake up!
Don’t believe the nightmare!
You are, in this moment, in danger of preferring your untrue thoughts over reality.
You are, in this moment, insane.”

From the perspective of the timeless, spacious, sleepless soul, it loves you too much to care whether the body lives or dies, or whether your favorite boot is worn on your foot or chewed up by your bother’s dog, or whether your lover leaves or stays. To the soul, each apparent loss is just energy moving. Without the leaves dropping from the branch of the tree each Autumn, how can there be room for new growth in the Spring? Loss is never loss. It is only ever an opening into something else.

Emotions such as guilt and frustration are also the whisper that remind you when you have not been listening to your inner wisdom, values or truth, or have been acting discordantly to what is your soul’s divine purpose here on earth. Notice how this has nothing to do with anyone else. I have noticed that people, in their innocence, tend to project their unhappiness onto the people around them -especially the people whom they love the most, making them wrong. My invitation is to stop that. Now. Take responsibility for how you feel. Your emotions are your personal energetic experience. What do you get out of dragging your loved one into your chaos?

It is not their job to make you happy, it is yours.

Imagine that instead of using your emotions to make real your story about Life, you use them like an alarm that’s reminding you to wake up to an opportunity that has arrived in your life -an opportunity to open your heart, to release attachments, to shift perception, to love deeply and unconditionally, to relax and allow Life to be as it is without your personality arguing about it, to deepen your relationship with the Divine Wisdom that has all this working in perfect order. Give yourself permission to not react as you are “supposed” to but rather melt into the Truth that everything is as it should be and that you are ok actually.
Everything is ok actually.
The ground still holds you.
Your heart beats.
The body breathes whether you ask it to or not.
Without the stressful emotion, Life and its characters can do its thing and you are at peace.
With the peace, clarity naturally emerges out of the fog of the chaos.
You are free.

 

Help Altruistic Odyssey Help Nepal

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* Edmond Antoine, founder of Altruistic Odyssey, is fundraising for many great causes in Nepal. Please consider donating. He especially needs help financing the rebuilding of a their kitchen in Deboche Gompa Convent. Click on the link to donate.

 


To identify and shift limiting beliefs, consider a one-on-one session. Sessions can be in-person if you are local to New Jersey, or via Skype if you are elsewhere. You may also wish to consider learning a natural healing art such as Reiki as a method of self-care. In the second level (degree) of Reiki, breakthrough limiting beliefs to clear the environment for creation and manifestation.
Email Andrea at info@andreagrace.com, or call: 908-271-6670 x 1. You may need to leave a message. I will return your call within 48 hours unless I am traveling.

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2015-09_biologyofbelief
Did you know that your decisions are made 7 seconds before you become aware of them? That is, your unconscious mind makes a decision that your brain reacts to and 7 seconds later “you” make a conscious decision. Read more.

What else is happening at the unconscious level before it hits the conscious one?

For the first time in 30 years I have found myself once more on the other end of a nebulizer. It started after I began working in earnest on my Journey Through the Chakras project, a self-guided workshop through the human energetic anatomy to help nurture a balanced, empowered, spiritually aware life.

I’d been been starting this project for about a year. Not getting far. Little bursts without much continuity despite the recent attempts my friend Maria had made to give me deadlines at my request. So when our impressively creative and motivated friends Scott & Julie came to visit NJ from Vancouver in July and Julie asked me about my meditations and how was I doing recording them, I responded with red-wine infused enthusiasm, “You know what I would love? I would love to just spend two weeks with you guys and just produce.” To which, with equal enthusiasm, Julie responded, “When?!”

I arrived in Vancouver Friday, August 14th.

On the first days of writing, Monday and Tuesday, I completed the outline and started writing the section on the root chakra. That evening, my breathing was a little labored. This was strange and funny. Strange, because I had not had asthma in a very, very long time. Funny, because I was writing about the root chakra which governs physical health and vitality.

Have you ever heard of the Global Consciousness Project? I first became aware of it when I watched the 2010 documentary, Wake Up. The project measures how human consciousness interacts with its environment, specifically the effects global events have on human “hive” consciousness. What was amazing about this was that the EGG network (the system used to gather the data), showed that human consciousness was aware of the September 11 attacks up to four hours before the first plane hit the first tower.

Let me repeat:
The data showed that human global consciousness was aware something big was happening around 4 hours before it actually happened.

So! I didn’t realize it at the time, but it seemed like my body was predicting my next “decision”…

Writing about my past brought asthma back into my world.

On Wednesday, happily writing alongside Julie & Scott as they brainstormed story ideas for Kate & Mim-Mim, I  bounced back to write the Journey Through the Chakras introduction. In it, I share a time when I was camping and had an asthma attack and no medication to help me. After the initial panic, I was able to stop the symptoms using visualization and Reiki. On Thursday, I went further into my history remembering what happened the last time I had an attack and didn’t have medicine at hand, which was when I was 13 and at a school sports event -not having medicine had landed me in hospital. Friday, the asthma symptoms were worse and I had a raspy throat and a sharp cough, by Saturday, it felt like someone had a fist in my chest, asthma had squarely announced it wasn’t leaving and the sore throat meant my lymph nodes hurt and I found myself sucking on the slightly salty nebulizer air.

Your physical expression is a reflection of your environment.
~Bruce Lipton

The asthma symptoms started before I started writing, but there was already a subconscious intention to write about my asthma-soaked past. It was in my outline. I just didn’t know when I was going to get to it.  Then, on Wednesday and Thursday, I made my way back into asthma world through memory bringing it out on paper, so by Saturday I had what conventional medicine would likely label a chest infection. I was sick. I stopped writing. My throat was sore and my voice thick. I stopped recording meditations. It was not lost on me that according to the wisdom of the Chakra system, the throat is governed by communication and will. The whole purpose of my trip here is communication and expression.
Fascinating, isn’t it?

It is now Wednesday. It’s over. The asthma is back in the past where it belongs.
Perfect timing! Why? Because I read a tiny article yesterday that said that today, August 26th, 2015, is astrologically the best day to “spend tomorrow making a “passionate effort toward a great goal.” So! My chest is clear, my throat is open and I am setting my computer aside to record some meditations.

What is your body telling you about your beliefs?

What passionate effort toward a great goal are you going to make today?

Tomorrow, I leave Vancouver with so much love and gratitude to my friends, Julie & Scott and the whole family, for so graciously supporting the toddler stage of my project and nurturing me well again with so much loving kindness, and for asthma for reminding me how good it feels to be oh-so well!

I wish this kind of love and support and gratitude to you also. If it’s not yet reflected outside, your work is to nurture it inside.

Peace & Joy!

Andrea


To identify and shift limiting beliefs, consider a one-on-one session. Sessions can be in-person if you are local to New Jersey, or via Skype if you are elsewhere. You may also wish to consider learning a natural healing art such as Reiki as a method of self-care. In the second level (degree) of Reiki, breakthrough limiting beliefs to clear the environment for creation and manifestation.
Email Andrea at info@andreagrace.com, or call: 908-271-6670 x 1. You may need to leave a message. I will return your call within 48 hours unless I am traveling.